she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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