Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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