I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
