I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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