have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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