Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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