a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
