I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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