Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
