i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
