Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
