I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
