You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
