I bet he comes in French.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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