is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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