yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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