This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
