Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
