Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
