Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
