There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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