Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
