at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
