Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
