wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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