you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
