Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
