if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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