Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
