T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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