I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
