His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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