waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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