You just made me feel so damn special
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
