Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
