you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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