dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
