are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
