someone owes me an orgasm
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
pray to the hookup gods
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
