can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
