I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
