So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
