I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
