then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
