Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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