Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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