i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
