Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just gargled with NyQuil
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
