I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
