i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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