these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
