Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
